Nothing like starting the weekend off...

With a bang! hahahaha....

So on Friday night I was in my University town for one last time. It was finally time to clear the old apartment that served me so well during my senior year of my degree, with the world's laziest roomate.

This also meant that I was going to go out, drink, and have a good time. Friday I spent the day packing, and the other half of the day at the hairdressers'. Even got a sexy blow out to sport to the bar that night. This also meant that as per our mini tradition, Coffee-cutie and I went out. We went to a bar to have a few beer, then continued drinking at another bar where he met my friends. He invited me to stay at his place, which I did without hesitation. We ended up having some pretty good sex. About freakin' time I get laid! The next day was the big move back to my hometown, in my own place...

I think karma lined up the stars in my favor this weekend! After moving stuff all day the crew was going out to our favorite local watering hole. I was enjoying some brewskies with the gang when I spotted "Albert". Albert and I had a brief fling last summer. He is the opposite of my type; dark hair, kind of short, sort of redneck, overall not the typical guy I'd fall for. We met in class one day and I developed a crush immediately, which is funny because we were both with different people at the time. I was sort of bitter at him for a while, he ended our fling by going the "i'll ignore her forever" route. I fuckin love it when guys do that. I mean, grow a pair and fuckin tell me its not gonna work out. FUCK.

So I decide do go talk to Albert at the bar. We started talking and didn't stop until he was walking me home from the bar, clearly with intentions of coming in. We each had another beer and quickly got into the sack... where we fucked. It was exactly like last summer, he came and then left me high and dry.... I dropped him off the next day, he said "talk to you later", then I realized he doesn't even have my number... ha ha ha. typical.

Boy of Summer.......

Funny how life works sometimes... Yes, I'm here to give you the recap of the weekend, because it seems like that's when the excitement happens.

Friday night there was a big outdoor concert. My friends and I gathered, had a little BBQ, some drinks, more drinks, then made our way there. I was glad to not be DD that night! The crowd was huge! We made our way through it and started to walk towards the stage. At some point I turn around and spot this amazingly hot blonde guy. As soon as I saw him he looked familiar.

It dawned on me that he was the one I had met at the same annual event, exactly 2 years prior to the day! That day I was there with my family and spotted him, he was alone... eventually I worked up the guts to talk to him and we exchanged a few emails. He even came to visit me at University that Fall. Afterwards though we didn't continue talking, he decided I was trying to be his girlfriend or something, and wanted nothing to do with me... so I just never wrote.

The whole night we kept saying to eachother how we couldn't believe we were together again after two years. I guess both of us had resolved that we were never going to see eachother again. It was a nice surprise to run into him, and I'm glad we drunkinly shared a few lip locks....

Rag Doll

The title is from a great Maroon 5 song called "Rag Doll"

How ya feelin?The day has had its way with both of us
And no, Ive gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain Im reelin
I was a fool to think some day you would come around
But no no no I'm not thinking that way
Cause now I see

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just wana scream

I think you should just go away cause
Theres no neccesity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby your not comin in

Hows your day been?
Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no no no I feel better today
Cause Im off my knees

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just wana scream

I think you should just go away cause
Theres no neccesity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby your not comin in

A heart made for a lot of sorrow
No you cant come back tomorrow
Shut my windows, lock my doors
Cause my heart won't be your rag doll anymore
Yeah....

I think you should just go away cause
Theres no neccesity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby your not comin in

A heart made for a lot of sorrow
No you cant come back tomorrow
Shut my windows, lock my doors
Cause my heart won't be your rag doll anymorewhoa....
Cause my heart wont be your Rag Doll anymore!


So this is my message to you, Kent. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

I hate how I'm so smart, yet do stupid things.

Last night a ghost came back in person. Kent was in town, and we went out to the club. He sang me a great song that felt good to hear. Apologized for having been a massive jerk to me two years ago, and we talked, laughed, and had fun.

We also danced, he got pretty grabby with me... It was enjoyable, I let myself just be in the moment. Afterwards I dropped him off where he was staying and he told me how much he missed me. We kissed a little bit, and I told him straight up I knew he only missed the sex. He said that wasn't true, that he respected me and meant everything he said.

Today we were supposed to go have lunch together. He bailed on me for that. We were also supposed to crash together after a massive outdoor concert we're going to tonight. He also bailed on that one. He totally seemed distant and acted like nothing was said or happened last night.

This is so typical. I hate myself for allowing me to fuck with my head, once again. So, I guess the old adage "fool me twice, shame on me...." applies.

Riding in Cars With Boys...

Drew Barrymore movie. Not necessarily one I can compare to my life, but the title seemed fitting for today's entry.

Last Friday night a longtime (16 years!) friend contacted me. He asked me over facebook what was new and stated we should hang out sometime (yeah yeah...everybody says that). So the phone rings on Friday and its him (I didn't give him my number!!!). He asked me to hang out, and I hesitated, but didn't end up doing anything with him (or anyone else) because I had to work at 7 Saturday morning.

Since I was working the rest of the weekend, we agreed to hang out on Wednesday (yesterday). He came to pick me up and we went for a cup Starbucks. We sat down and soon after my sister walks in with her 'older man' aka a guy we graduated with. I turned to my friend and told him they were seeing eachother. We both agreed that it was a horrible idea, and that the older guy was probably embarrassed to run into us with a little 18 year old on his arm.

So my friend and I talked, and talked, and talked, we took a long drive and talked some more. It was good to catch up with someone I've known all my life. Now, we know what you're thinking: He's your future husband! hahaha.......... EH, NO. Imagine, I already ruined a friendship of 2 years with my ex, don't plan on ruining a 16 year old one (since elementary school).

To long lost friends!!

Plain Mary Janes....

Mondays suck.

Not a lot has happened since the last *emotional* post... Thanks Jean for the little pep talk. It helped... I don't get down on myself very often, but I guess everyone has their moments. I'm feeling better and not so much in despair, but those issues will linger until they are solved.

I don't need a man to solve those issues. The man drought is a tough pill to swallow, but I am hoping that my faith will change once I FINALLY move out of my mother's house very very soon!

Coffee Cutie and I are still conversing, I will get to see him when I retrieve my stuff / clean out my old appartment. He promises to visit me after I move in, he even offered to help "if I am around"....

This weekend was typical, I worked (I now work a 2nd part-time job - financially smart, but social life suicide). I got free concert tickets and went to check that out with my friend, then we went out to the most horrendous dancebar of life. I decided I am never setting foot in there ever again on a Saturday night. FOR-GET-IT. Everybody is between 17-19 years old... and the guys are super super drunk and inapropriate. One tried to put his hand up my skirt while I had my back to him. Swear to god I almost slapped him. I wasn't making contact/dancing with him, he decided it would be fun? Fuckin loser.

So yeah... my clubbing days are not over, but they are numbered. That dancebar's ship, has sailed.

I notice I don't get any comments, last week was a first and I was really excited!!!! I am curious about my readership... does anybody besides Jean read my posts? Just leave me a shout... the encouragement might help make these juicier? (they will if you ask me out! HAHAHA).....

Karma police...

Warning: this entry is a little emotional, no wait, a lot.

I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I can't seem to grasp one thing at a time and do it right.

I'm failing at work. Procrastinating is taking the best of me and I'm slacking off majorly. In my line of work it's important not to do that because the work never ends. There is always something to do, something to follow up.

I come home at night to my mom's and I am drained in this hopelessness and no desire to accomplish anything whatsoever. Once again, procrastination at its best.

I am in financial ruins. I owe money on credit cards, to my mom, to a friend, to the government.... No matter what I can't seem to get ahead.

I have gained about 10 lbs in the last month. Clothes I bought not that long ago don't seem to fit me anymore. I am unhappy with how I look, and even more upset by the lazy beast that I've become.

I can't get any worthy guy's attention. The guy that wants me, I don't want him (J), and the other guys around me don't think I'm worthy of any special commitment. As demonstrated by Coffee Cutie, and most recently by Kent (see previous posts).

My sister snags a popular guy. Is it because she is skinny? Is it because she's young? I hate her right now.

I don't feel I have true friends. My friends are all high maintenance and I'm trying to keep up. One of them doesn't hide it, the other pretends she's not (but she SOoooo is, just in a less-obvious way), and the other one is so deep in the closet he's finding christmas presents. We hang out when its convenient. I'm starting to feel resentful towards them and don't feel they fulfill me as friends.

I don't know what I need, or what I need to do.... but this is where I stand. I'm a good person, always kind, I'm even pretty... I feel karma is cheating me.

Brown leather peep toes

Alright everyone! It's Friday! YAAAAAAAY....

This week seemed sooooooo long! It went by very slow for me. Work was a little tortureous because I was mostly alone at the office while the bossman was running around and the other lady was on vacation. Alright, back to the juicy stuff you guys like to read about.

The Wednesday night tradition is sort of back in motion after a short hiatus. Me and some guy friends usually hit up a local bar to hear an acoustic version of all our favorite classic tunes. The past couple of weeks were just too hectic with other stuff, so we didn't go. Anyway it is never an evironment that I ever get hit on, because let's face it, the only girl surrounded by a table full of guys, people assume I am with one of them. I don't really care because I enjoy their company and the music (2$ beer is pretty sweet too!).

This Wednesday was a little different for one reason; me and JJ had an intense conversation. JJ is a former hookup (twice, to be exact) and now we are friends and have tons of mutual ones. He is also friends with J. (to read up on J, see previous post). JJ decided to convince me to "give it a try" and "give him a chance" with J. I was not ready for this sort of pep talk/sales tactic.

A part of me wants to try it, but the other part of me really isn't ready to settle down into a relationship. Especially with a guy that has never been in a committed relationship before (I know!) that's sort of a sign. Even if it was a 'trial' period, imagine how much more devastated he'd be if I reject him after going out with him... ouchie. So, J is still on the back burner, and I have a feeling he will be for a long time.

Coffee Cutie update: he seems distant this week. My instincts are saying: ok, he's not interested anymore, chuck him. More to follow as story develops.....