Red Patent Leather

This weekend was a great time. Ended up going out with friends on Friday, and on Saturday had a day planned at the beach. Originally I had asked Coffee Cutie to come up to my town and visit, but deep down I had my doubts, so I asked "J" if he wanted to come along with me instead. Me and J. had previous plans to hang out, drink, and go to an outdoor concert that night anyway, so I figured why not make a day out of it.

You guys are obviously wondering who is J, the mysterious new man in my life. Well, its not that wonderful. J is simply a friend, platonic, nothing has ever gone on, not even mild flirtation. Him and I haven't been friends that long, and at some point another mutual friend informed me of J's intention to ask me out. Sure enough, he did, over msn (manly!), and I told him that I just got out of a relationship that started with friendship... and in no position to start that game again. He understood and it was left at that. The worse part is that I love J's personality, we get along so well it's scary... but I am not physically attracted to him. So I can't go down that road again.

Turns out Coffee Cutie winds up coming to the beach. Not wanting to ditch J, I go with him and Coffee Cutie meets us later. I'm sure J couldn't help but feel like crap when Coffee Cutie showed up. I only introduced him as my friend and left out the details of anything romantic that happened. I felt bad.

These days I've been feeling really down on myself. I've mentionned feeling invisible in previous posts, but I think it has hit a new realm. Seems that I can't attract anyone, and yet my sister, who is 18 is dating like it's going out of style. I'll admit it, I'm jealous. What I am really jealous of, is that she managed to grab the interest of a popular guy I graduated high school with. It's not fair, he was never interested in me.... now he wants a girl 4.5 years younger. ARGH! The worse part is that he is actually a good guy, and i'm insanely jealous she can snag a cutie and I can't.

Ah sure, you all say I have my Coffee Cutie, but I don't really. He said to me in a IM convo last nigth that he was cool with the friends with benefits thing. I kind of saw it as more than that, not really an exclusive arrangement, but at least more than friends... I dunno... I don't like this game anymore because I can see myself getting attached, and for what, no reason because he is not the right guy for me.

Ghostly hauntings...

A woman can’t help but re-examine her past relationships in her life, many times over. The happy times, the not so happy times, why we broke up. For me, this happens everytime I wind up single and feel lonely. I start picturing what it would be like had I stayed in those relationships. Would I still be the same person I am today?

For me, a few guys pop up in my head occasionally. I guess they just left a mark. Just when I thought I had forgotten about A., he comes haunting me.

My sister was looking for something in the couch in our basement, and comes upstairs with a stainless steel brush zippo lighter in her hands. It was A’s. He had lost it and was really sad. I had bought him a replacement one for christmas.

One of them I went out with while I was in high school, it was long distance but we somehow managed to make it work, it helped that he worked in the same province for the summer. I foolishly fell for someone else and broke up with him. Today, I am really kicking myself in the ass, because he’s the one I want to marry. Swear to god the minute him and his girlfriend break up, I’m on a plane to see him.

Then there’s the conversation I had with "Kent". Kent was a friend of mine, which I met through an organization I volunteer with. Him and I were platonic for the longest time. One summer we flirted and had whirlwind sex. We never dated per se, but we were fucking eachothers’ brains out pretty often. I got a little attached and in the end I felt so cheap. It never materialized into anything and we both moved on with our lives.

We had to remain on friendly basis because we were bound to run into eachother again, especially through the organization, so it was akward a bit but we made it through without hating eachothers’ guts.

We chat once in a while on MSN, and just catch up with eachother. I found out him and his girlfriend broke up, so I offered up my sympathies. Then something weird happen; we started to talk about that summer (a couple of years ago). It felt really good to establish some closure, and we agreed that there was a definite lack of communication. Although bed buddies is all great and fun, no groundrules were established and that’s likely why things just didn’t work out. When we ended the conversation I felt so at peace, and way better about him, and the whole thing. I guess I confronted that ghost head on.

Polka dot t-straps

Title refers to the cutest shoes I own, and wore Friday night for my 'date' out of town....

Things aren’t that much more exciting these days for me... I spent the weekend in my University city and had a last hurrah with my apartment before it is subletted for the rest of my lease. Still no apartment in my city = no action.

Coffee cutie and I met up on Friday night and we went out to dinner. He’s such a sweetheart, we also hung out afterwards. Later on I joined my friends at the Pub.

After a night of dancing and having a good time at my favorite pub with my favorite band, I called up Coffee Cutie for a late night rendezvous. (He asked me to call him). We did this last time and it ended up great, so I thought why not. So we slept in the same bed "without fucking" as he put it last time. We lazed around in bed until noon, and didn’t see eachother again for the rest of the weekend.

This is a guy I could really see myself dating - if we lived in the same city. There lies the problem. At this point we do not know eachother well enough to consider dating long-distance, and lord knows that’s just difficult. So I’m glad Coffee-Cutie is the only action I’ve been getting lately, he sure is a keeper...but will I be able to hold on?

Platform

I'm glad things have been picking up in the 'lack of guys department'. It's fun to be online and talk to some very interesting people. Nobody really awesome has come up in the last couple of days though. It's ok, because I consider the on-line crowd practice dating. I know 99% of them I wouldn't want to go out with, but hey, a little hanging out never hurt anyone.


The past few times I went out to the club I've been feeling a little down about it. I have the invisible feeling. I feel like nobody's even looking at me, and I know I'm a confident pretty girl. The guys that do look, are usually old enough to be my dad, or hideous enough to audition for Shrek.

I enjoy going to the bar with my guy friends, but they all unwillingly act as a giant group of cock blocks. Any sane guy will assume that one of them is my boyfriend. Which sucks because I don't want to be any of them's girlfriends! Lol. I have a feeling one of them is interested in being more than friends, and although I really love his personality I am just not physically attracted. God damnit why does this have to be so hard.

This morning I woke up so irritated and cranky. I had a dream that a guy I dated last summer was at this party and totally chewed me out (and for no reason because he's the one that dumped me! lol). So the conclusion is, as fast as things have been 'picking up', they've nosedived to new lows. GAH!

Dry spell

After a short absence, I am back. The main reason I haven't been writing any posts, is that well my dating life kind of went through a dry spell (especially for me - since I always seem to have at least one on the go). Living back with your parents suck. I am all settled in with Mom in my hometown and am looking for my own place, that should increase the guy traffic in my life. Honestly though, it was really lame to go through 3 weeks of nothingness in the guy department.

How does a girl spice up a dry spell? By signing up to a dating site (yes, again). Like the lonely sucker that I am I decided to put my profile up and give it another shot. What did I have to lose being new in town again, it's a whole new sea of guys out here! It didn't take too long before I had a couple of regular chats with a couple of guys. One in particular was like none other that I had ever talked to before. We'll call him Dirty Dial.

Dirty Dial was talking dirty to me within seconds of chatting. I was intrigued. I let him do the talking (or in this case, the typing) and read on to what kind of sexy things he wanted to do to me. It was quite interesting. Eventually I had to tell him that I thought it was all a bit much for this early on. I'm all about getting a little dirt goin, but holy hell not after 5 minutes. I agreed to meet him for a movie and he promised to not talk dirty. We watched the new Angelina Jolie flick and went to dinner. It was a good time and turns out he's rather normal when he's not talking about what he wants to do to my girly bits. We also went to the beach this past weekend and had a good time there. We kissed a couple of times, but I'm afraid the chemistry is purely sexual, and he's not really someone I just want to bang for the hell of it (he's not THAT hot...lol).

Then there was Daddy-O. He's 34, never been married, but has 2 daughters; one is 14, and the other one 6 (both the same Mommy). He seemed really intelligent and interesting, and as we're conversing through emails he asks me if I know this guy named **********. Well I almost fell off my chair. Turns out he's sort of friends with my ex. Great. It doesn't really stop him from asking me out one night. I agree and we go to the beach and for some ice cream. We also hang out the following day and he meets my friends as I was having a BBQ. He's really nice and we really hit it off, but Sunday night after an akward and very long conversation, we decided it was just plain wrong for us to date (age gap, and the ex factor). Too bad, cuz he was hot and probably hot in bed.......