Karma police...

Warning: this entry is a little emotional, no wait, a lot.

I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I can't seem to grasp one thing at a time and do it right.

I'm failing at work. Procrastinating is taking the best of me and I'm slacking off majorly. In my line of work it's important not to do that because the work never ends. There is always something to do, something to follow up.

I come home at night to my mom's and I am drained in this hopelessness and no desire to accomplish anything whatsoever. Once again, procrastination at its best.

I am in financial ruins. I owe money on credit cards, to my mom, to a friend, to the government.... No matter what I can't seem to get ahead.

I have gained about 10 lbs in the last month. Clothes I bought not that long ago don't seem to fit me anymore. I am unhappy with how I look, and even more upset by the lazy beast that I've become.

I can't get any worthy guy's attention. The guy that wants me, I don't want him (J), and the other guys around me don't think I'm worthy of any special commitment. As demonstrated by Coffee Cutie, and most recently by Kent (see previous posts).

My sister snags a popular guy. Is it because she is skinny? Is it because she's young? I hate her right now.

I don't feel I have true friends. My friends are all high maintenance and I'm trying to keep up. One of them doesn't hide it, the other pretends she's not (but she SOoooo is, just in a less-obvious way), and the other one is so deep in the closet he's finding christmas presents. We hang out when its convenient. I'm starting to feel resentful towards them and don't feel they fulfill me as friends.

I don't know what I need, or what I need to do.... but this is where I stand. I'm a good person, always kind, I'm even pretty... I feel karma is cheating me.